The Adventure Life with Steve Casimiro The Five Biggest Lies Cyclists Tell Each Other

Starting with: "I’m happy to share my best trails…."

Text and photos by West Coast Editor Steve Casimiro

Oh, how my brothers and sisters of the saddle bend reality in the name of glory, desire, and vanity. Is there a sport more filled with half-truths, untruths, and never were truths? Besides climbing, skiing, paddling, and surfing, that is?

Beneath every elaborate dissembling, of course, there’s that nugget of honesty that tells us much about ourselves. It’s like the pearl buried in the oyster. The thing about this little analogy, though, is that some people like oysters more than pearls….

THE FIVE BIGGEST LIES CYCLISTS TELL EACH OTHER
5  “My mountain bike weighs 23 pounds.” Translation: For the amount I paid for this pig, that’s what it SHOULD weigh.

4  “I almost cleaned it.” Translation: I didn’t come close and never will.

3  “I shave my legs because it speeds recovery when I crash and get road rash.” Translation: I think it makes me look hard core but I’m just desperately trying to fit in with all the other non-conformists that hang out at my local shop.

2  “I had a big day yesterday, so let’s make this an easy one.” Translation: I got so peeved the last time you stomped me that I’ve been training in secret and now I’m hoping you won’t expect it when I try to hammer you into submission.

1 “I was just riding along.” Translation: I haven’t maintained my bike in a year, I ignored disturbing noises in my derailleur, my chain has a stiff link, and my bottom bracket squeaks more than Minnie Mouse, but I’m really not the clueless idiot I appear to be, and since I can’t possibly be at fault for this broken part, since it was the cycling gods and not me, Mr. Bike Mechanic, won’t you take pity and give me a bro deal to fix it? And don’t laugh at me behind my back? Please?