So tell me: Of all the males on our planet—and I’m talking all, scale be damned, from the littlest insects to the biggest of whales—who’s got the most impressive appendage? Who (you should pardon the expression) is our Biggest Daddy?

And I don’t mean just sex organs, impressive as they sometimes are. I’m talking about any outstanding male appendage—whatever guys have that thrills the ladies, the obvious non-penile example being the peacock tail, which as we all know when fully displayed makes peahens dream of George Clooney.

Impressive? Yes. The problem being that between trysts, a superheavy tail must be a drag to lug around. It costs energy to maintain and more energy to get up and unfurled. But the drive